Fear and Shame

Talk about your failures without apologizing. Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the Fear that we’re not good enough.

– Dr Brené Brown

I had a fascinating conversation with an old acquaintance today. He saw an image of a known celebrity on my wall and told me I’m very upfront. I have no fear of speaking what I feel.

The first thought that came to my head was, “Why should I fear to speak my mind?” and then it hit me. He was so used to women cowering in shame. These women either spoke unjustly about their wants and desires or had lost the complete will to express them. I remember replying that all women should be upfront about what they want in life. Why hide something that is not only natural but also a necessity like breathing and functioning?

While this stray incident isn’t that critical in the broader spectrum of things, it got me thinking about all the women in the world who do not have the resources, courage, or strength to simply be themselves. It’s at times like these that I begin to wonder about the fallacy of our world.

My acquaintance further went on to tell me that I am independent and straightforward yet classy. Classy? Because I spoke my mind. Classy is the way women think of themselves. The way they consider their standards, morals, and virtues.

I understand his reasoning, I do. However, it saddens my heart to know that he doesn’t see other women in the same light. The reasons for this would always be his own, but he feels I am classy only because I am fearless in voicing my thoughts and feelings. I want to ask him why he doesn’t help other women become the same. But I know I never will. Maybe this is my Fear? Perhaps this is the reasoning that most women give themselves?

That it is okay to think in terms of black and white and ignore the grey surrounding you? I’m shattered and heartbroken. Especially when he continues to tell me, he respects me and always wants me to be, me.

I’ve never considered myself a crusader of women’s voices; maybe I should. If women like me can make a small difference, then perhaps it’s a push in the right direction. Why should someone like me, who likes to post little, insignificant things be considered independent, yet those that scream and shout to be heard, be regarded as not?

I believe Shame, Guilt, and Fear can creep up on you in degrees. Shame for what is happening, Guilt for keeping quiet, and Fear for the consequences.